8
Rae Hansen
_______________________
She thinks she is the only one that misses her, she was the best part of us and now she’s gone. Just because we mourn in our own ways Darcy thinks we don‘t remember what that day had meant for us all. I yanked off my flannel pants and worn Blackhawk’s t-shirt and threw them in the corner where there was already a steaming pile of clothes; the odor seeming to float in a cloud just above where they lay. I pulled on a sports bra and my boxing gear as fast as I could.
Well I had my way of coping and that was to beat the shit out of someone or something; and if I didn’t want to end up punching Darcy’s face in I better get to the gym. Justin was into amateur boxing and his trainer let me come in and use the facility whenever I needed to. I have never needed to beat the shit out of a punching bag so bad in my life. I plopped down on the bed pulling on my socks and Nikes, tying them tighter than necessary letting the anger and sadness flow through my fingers. I could feel it in my body, the grief was so overwhelming; squeezing at my heart and sending beads of pain coursing through my limbs.
I pushed all thoughts of Isabella and today from my mind as I stood to leave, I had to save all the painful memories till I got to the gym or I would explode onto whoever was near me at the time. I grabbed my bag and my iPod sticking the buds in my ears as I hurried to the street, the sound of Metallica pounding in my ears so loud that I couldn’t think, perfect. I jogged the six blocks to JABB boxing gym, hoping that the exertion would push those beads of pain back to my heart to be contained.
Justin was waiting for me when I got there with a knowing look on his face. “I saved the bag over in the corner for you, thought you might like it better if you could be away from everyone else today.” He slid his arm around my shoulder and squeezed before dropping it quickly back to his side. He knew that too much affection would just send me over the edge into the emotional blackness that had consumed me last year at this time. He’d been there to witness my breakdown and was the one that suggested that I take up boxing as a way to get out everything I was so good at holding in.
“Thanks, Darcy was all over us this morning like she is trying to protect Isabella or something. Sometimes I think she doesn’t even get that she is dead, she acts like she is gonna come back someday,” I told him as I dropped my bag to the floor and retrieved my gloves and let Justin help me secure them on my hands.
“Well; listen, I have a sparring match right now, but I’ll just be over there,” he pointed to the ring on the raised level of the gym, “if you need me.” I glanced up to where he’d pointed and my jaw fell open. Standing in the middle of the ring was the most gorgeous hunk of man I had ever seen. Sweat glistening off his skin and his muscles flexing as he punched the hand bags his trainer was holding. I looked away before I could take in any more of his perfection. The last thing I needed right now was to get the hots for some guy. Things with Evan were complicated enough as it was.
Justin patted me on the back before he jogged up the steps and hopped effortlessly into the ring with Mr. Prefect. I turned my attention back to the reason I had come today. I took a deep breath settling back into position. With out warning my right fist exploded into the bag sending it ricocheting away. It seemed to float in slow motion back to me before abruptly careening away again when my left jab grazed it’s surface. I could feel the power flowing through my body, not just from the force of my blows but the power of her memory.
Isabella, the one who could help others. We lost the best part of us that day, none of us could do what she did, she helped people. People the world saw as unfixable. She gave everything she had to helping them get better and it cost her. I hit the bag with another right before spinning and feeling my foot connect with the bag sending reverberations throughout my entire body.
Isabella was the best part of us and without her we were free to be who we wanted when we wanted. Smack, my left fist connected again.
She always tried to reign us in; for our own good of course. She said she had too much trouble concentrating on her work; her patients, when we were always on her mind so she kept trying to distance herself from us.
Thud, my foot pounded into the bag.
She kept trying to let us go but none of us could live without her, or so we thought. Swoosh the bag sailed past my head as I ducked out of the way spinning around and connecting with the back of my arm. But here we are and she’s gone. She stopped fighting that day and we’d all lost our best friend.
I continued pummeling the bag with my entire body till I felt on the verge of collapse. I staggered backwards and fell back onto the bench grabbing my water bottle; tilting my head back with my mouth open I squeezed the bottle and let the cool water pour over my face and into my mouth.
I pulled my towel from my bag and sopped up the dripping water from my face continuing down my neck removing the sweat from my body. I dropped my shoulders and rested my elbows on my knees staring at the floor. No, I didn’t miss her any less, but I let the pure pain leave my body with each blow I had delivered. My muscles felt like jello and I was finally relaxed and ready to face the rest of the day. I was seriously contemplating going back home and taking a nap when I spotted Justin heading my way.
It took me a second to realize that he had a ridiculous grin on his face. He must have won his match and was just excited to tell me. “Hey, do you know that guy I was sparring with?” he asked, genuine curiosity filling his eyes as he slid on to the bench next to me.
“No, believe me, if I had ever seen THAT before, I would remember,” I laughed. It felt good to laugh, even on this sad day.
“Huh, well he seemed to know you. He kept looking at you the entire match; mumbling, wondering what you could possibly have to be so pissed off about that you had to beat the shit out of that bag,” Justin laughed, “after the match he asked me if you were okay, “ he added suddenly looking at me with that same worry in his eyes.
“Well, I have never met him before so why he could be that concerned about a complete stranger is a mystery to me.” I shrugged and started shoving my stuff back into my bag, “maybe he thought I was someone else.”
“Well, he looked really worried, like he wanted to come talk to you; but I told him now might not be the best time,” he looked into my eyes trying to read if he’d done the right thing, “He agreed and said that he would just try to find you at Badge’s later tonight,” furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.
“Badge’s? I don’t go to Badge’s, that is Evie’s hangout,” my brow now furrowing with the same confusion as his. “Did you catch his name?” at least I would have some accurate information about him since he seemed to be misinformed about me.
“Ah, Dane something or other I think,” he cringed knowing I would be mad that he couldn’t remember such basic info as the guys name, “sorry, I was so surprised that I had beat him that I kinda let that slip my mind.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I turned and grabbed my stuff and headed for the exit eager to get a shower and a nap in, I was suddenly very, very tired.
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