Chapter Four

4

Rae Hansen

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I should be happy, I thought to myself, I’d been gone for two weeks, I should be eager to catch up with my roommates, to sleep in a bed after spending so many nights on the hard, sometimes wet, floor of the forest. I shoved my key in the lock and kicked the door open with my mud caked hiking boot, leaving a distinct smudge on the white surface. I took a deep breath as I entered; shrugging off my pack letting it fall heavily to the hardwood floor with a resounding thud, hard enough to loosen the weeks worth of mud clinging to the yellow nylon and send it cascading to the floor, scattering clear to the edge of the kitchen. 

I cringed, only because I could hear Evie’s parting words as I’d left for a camping trip with my friends, “You know Rae, if we’d wanted to live in filth we would have asked a guy to move in with us, how can you be so disgusting?” She’d been the only one brave enough to stand up to me though I knew Tiffy and Darcy felt the same way. I had taken the higher road and instead of getting right up in her face I just picked up my stuff and left, without a word. I am sure that left them shocked since I usually have no problem putting them all in their place. I was trying to keep the peace, lately it seemed like our very different personalities were getting harder and harder to live with. I figured some time with me away would do some good.

I took a deep breath and picked up my pack, I’d worry about the mess later, and headed for my room. The place looked spotless, guess that meant that they’d chucked all my stuff into my room. I was already fuming before I could read the note tacked to my door. I had to squeeze my eyes shut to dispel the red so I could see clearly. Rae, we are all tired of tripping over you stuff, I almost killed myself on your skates, please be considerate of the rest of us and keep all your sports gear in your room please, Darcy.

Of course Darcy would be the one to leave the note, they probably asked her to do it because they knew I would never take it out on little miss perfect. She was just to damn nice to yell at, I felt like I was slaughtering my little pony every time I had yelled at her. I just couldn’t do it.

I pushed the door to my room open and just as I’d suspected all my things that had been scattered around the town home were now piled on my bed. “Evie” her name hissing from my lips like an expletive. Darcy would have put everything away for me and Tiffy was to damn scared of me to cross me, As I stood there fuming trying to decide my course of action I glanced at the clock. Evie’s revenge would have to wait, I was suppose to meet the guys for Beers at Harrigan's and I was still caked in mud and smelling like I’d rolled in bear shit.

I grabbed my towel and toiletry bag and headed to the bathroom we all shared. I closed the door and turned to toss my stuff on the counter when I had to pause mid-throw. 

"You have got to be fucking kidding me” I cursed aloud. They bitch about my stuff all day and then don’t even leave me a spot for my stuff among all the curling irons, makeup, lotions and facial cleansers crowding the already small space. I grabbed the trash can in the corner and with one swipe I had it all inside and was throwing the can back in the corner. I don’t know why they think they need all that crap to attract a guy. It was ridiculous.

Sure most guys want their chick to look hot, but being two high maintenance as my roommates were would always push the guy away eventually. I stepped into the shower and turned the water on as hot as it would go. Guys wanted girls who could have fun with them, go hiking without needing a shower every day, be able to look good without ten pounds of makeup covering you up, a girl they didn’t have to wait hours on just so she could be perfect, a girl like me. “yeah, so then why are you still single, huh?” Evie’s condescending voice rang in my ears. 

“I am perfectly happy with the way things are. I don’t need a guy to be satisfied with life like you do.” I snapped back at the voice in my head.

Evie‘s voice lowered and grew thick with accusation, “If you don’t need a guy then why are you in Evan’s bed every weekend? I know you think he want’s to be with you, but you’re just his booty call, his friend with benefits, he doesn’t want a relationship with you or you’d be in one by now.” I could see her smirking now. Oh how I wish she were her so I could knock it right off her face.

“This arrangement wasn’t Evan’s idea, it was mine. I’ve got needs too ya know. And what business of yours is it anyway, back off.” I stuck my head in the water to try and drown out the voices. I was hearing Evie in my head a lot lately and I couldn’t figure out why. Maybe it’s because she was the only one that knew exactly how to get to me. 

I shook my head as I stepped out of the shower and dried off. I dragged my brush through my snarled hair until it finally smoothed out into the long blond tresses I loved. It was the one thing about me that sang out my femininity and I liked that, it was simple. Grabbing my stuff I loped back to my room to get ready for a night out, Rae style.

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As I entered the bar I took a deep breath letting all the familiar odors take over my senses. Ever since the guys and I found Harrigan's it had become our home away from home. It didn’t matter that it was clear across town and I had to allow an hour to get here, it was worth it. The dark paneled walls covered with pictures of Ireland. The smell of the ale and wood mixed to give an unbelievably inviting scent. The lilting voices of Shawn and his brothers Jack and Liam, who’d come over from Ireland together and opened this bar that reminded them of their families back home. I felt more comfortable here then at home with the girls. I could be me here.

I paused to push the long sleeves of my dark blue cotton shirt up and looked around the room for the guys. I saw that nearly every pair of male eyes in the place were staring at me, simple me with the cotton shirt, jeans, and a pair of Nikes. I had let my hair air dry so it had a natural wave to it and I had simply pulled it back into a loose ponytail at the nape of my neck. Yet I could see that I was the object of desire in those eyes. If only the girls could see how little it took to get the attention of men; but they always refused my offers of going out with us. I smiled as I spotted Evan and the rest of the guys in the back corner of the bar.

Suddenly I felt a sharp slap on my ass. Without hesitation I grabbed the offending arm twisting it around as I turned my body to face the wide eyes of a now scared looking college boy as my fist connected with his nose in one fluid motion. Blood immediately stained my knuckles and his now stunned face. I didn’t think I’d hit him that hard, opps. 

“Gesh, Rae. Back for one day and your already beating the crap out of my customers, give the kid a break.” Shawn said shaking his head as he gave the kid a towel to sop up the blood. All three boys looked extremely shocked at how fast I had disabled their friend. “stick around guys, the next ones on me.” Shawn automatically retorted, trying to keep their business.

“Sorry Shawn, but these little punk asses need to learn to keep their hands to themselves.” I shrugged as I started back to my table. The guys were still laughing when I got there.

“Damn that was hot!” shouted the only face at the table that I didn’t recognize. He had the same sloping nose and wide set eyes, with the same humor emanating from them. This had to be Evan’s little brother who was staying with him for his spring break. “That was hot, Evan you didn’t tell me your girlfriend was so kick ass!”

“She’s/I’m not my/his girlfriend,” we both responded at the same time. Everyone laughed a bit as I slid into the booth next to Justin. “Rae this is my brother Paul. Paul this is the one and only Rae Hansen.” Evan said eyeing me with a curious expression that I couldn’t quite understand the reasoning behind. It’s not like he hadn’t seen me beat up some guy for trying to treat me like a piece of meat before. I’d have to ask him what that was all about later. Paul’s voice broke into my thoughts forcing me to focus back on the others.

“Justin and Rob were just telling me all about how they caught you and Evan skinny dipping in the lake this weekend.” I could hear a hint of scandal in his voice; the edge revealing that he thought there was more to the story then he’d been lead to believe. 

“Oh, and what exactly did they say?” the annoyance at being talked about while not around obvious in my tone. 

“Just that they woke up to the sound of splashing and went to investigate finding you two naked in the lake together. They were just speculating on how you ended up there, beings that you weren’t very forthcoming with information at the time.” he was obviously prodding trying to provoke us into telling the rest of the story.

“so what were their theories?” I asked, not ready to give up information that Evan and I had tried so hard to keep secret.

“Well, Justin here thought that you had stumbled upon a beehive on your early morning hike and had jumped into the water to get away from the bees. But Rob pointed out that that wouldn’t require you to remove all your clothing.” Evan shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Paul continued, “Rob thinks that you two were finally hooking up.” Evan glowered at Rob as I tried to hide the blush that was creeping up my neck.

“Well, it would be about fucking time man. It’s like you two dance around the obvious attraction you feel for each other. It’s getting a little old. I was just hoping that this meant that you two finally hooked up.” Rob rushed to say while looking sideways at Evan’s fuming face.

“Even if we had been hooking up it would have been none of your damn business. When will you all get it through your thick skulls that Rae and I are just friends and will always be just that.” Evan practically yelled it out. He looked out of the corner of his eyes at me. “you gonna say anything Rae?”

Evan and I had worked so hard to keep our little arrangement from becoming public knowledge and now one little slip up this weekend could put all that in jeopardy. We had been so determined that our relationship, or whatever you would call it, wouldn’t change our group in any way and now it could all be ruined if I didn’t come up with an excuse, and fast. “It’s simple, I bet Evan that he couldn’t beat me to the end of the trail, whoever lost had to strip down and take a dip in the ice cold lake. I beat him and true to his word he stripped and jumped in.” I shrugged as if it was as simple as that.

“But that doesn’t explain how you ended up naked and in the water too.” Paul was a little too observant and it was starting to get on my nerves.

“Well, then he told me that it was a good thing I’d won because he knew I’d be to chicken to do it and would have backed out anyway. So of course I had to prove that I wasn’t chicken; so I stripped and jumped in too. Seriously you all need to get a life instead of being so wrapped up in something that isn’t even there.” I scoffed.

The guys shrugged, satisfied with my explanation and moved on to talk of the Hockey trade deadline and who was sure to get traded. They were so involved in their discussion that they missed the silent exchange of I’m sorry’s between Evan and I and they didn’t even notice when I got up and went to the bar. I knew Evan wouldn’t be far behind.

“I am glad you got here when you did Rae, I couldn’t think of a single excuse as to why we were naked in that lake together and I was afraid I was gonna give us away.” He looked deep into my eyes before asking, “ Why don’t we just tell them,” holding his breath on the question.

“Tell them what exactly? That we occasionally sleep together. I don’t think that’s something to tell. It’s not like we’re dating. Besides it will change everything. I won’t be one of the guys anymore. I’ll be Evan’s girl, even though it isn’t like that they will see it that way. I like things the way they are.” I could see the hurt in his eyes.

“Rae, I’ve been thinking, maybe we should give this a try. We are so great together I don’t see why we shouldn’t…” He suddenly looked down at his feet afraid to go on without being sure of my response. Suddenly the look he’d given me at the table become blaringly clear. He thought he’d heard something in my voice when I said I wasn’t his girlfriend, some kind of longing.

And he was right. Fight it as I did, it had come out in that quick statement, the longing to belong to Evan, so why was I fighting it so much. It was now obvious that he felt the same way. Because I couldn’t belong to anyone. I couldn’t let my guard down. It had to be me alone. But why, what was I hiding that I couldn’t let him see. Not even I knew the answer to that.

“Evan, please, don’t ask me that. I can’t. I don’t think I can even explain why right now, but I promise that I will eventually. Just give me time please.” I didn’t know what else to say.

Evan’s answer was to grab his beer off the bar and stalk back to the table. I sighed and grabbed my drink and slinked back too. This was going to be a long night and with Paul staying with Evan I couldn’t even go home with him to try and apologize and make things right.